Summer Days are here again

Well It's officially summer here. It's been nice and warm, and full of summer fun

In May we were able to go see family, for our nephew going through the temple
for his mission. It was a wonderful way for us to kick off our summer. My parents and Grammie. got to watch Finn the whole day while we were in the temple. I don't know who our families were more happy to see, us or Finn? (Who are we kidding, it's the baby)

It was such a quick turn around trip, but it was so nice to have meals with family
and friends, to just catch up and have Finn see so much more of his family. That is one loved little boy. Our last morning in California was spent packing the car and just playing pass the baby.

After getting home, the following weekend was Memorial Day. Mike had to work, but we made a big breakfast and spent the morning at the park, having a picnic and playing. The weather was beautiful, it was such a great way to spend time just our little family. We tried to get on the swings but there was so many people we just took a walk and played on the blanket.

Our most favorite thing about summer though, is our time at the water park. It's nothing too big, but the cost and amount of people work for us. We spend as much time as we can there. They have a kids pool area as well as slides for the older kids and adults. I thought Mike was going to spend every waking moment at the slides. But This man was not far from his boy. We loved seeing how much Phineas loved the  the "big tubby" After 4 hours in that pool. Our little water baby did not want to leave.

Just missing Dad/Papa

Last week my mom was in town, so she watched Finn a couple of days. It kills her to live so far away. But she got some one on one with him ans well as time with her other grand babies. We were able to take pictures. We haven't all been together in years. I love having all of my siblings living here and so close.      

But of all these things. The most important thing we got do these last couple of weeks was celebrate Mike's first official Father's day. We didn't do much. He just wanted to spend the day at home relaxing and spending the day with no Sunday meetings, no chores, just family time.

This amazing man works so hard to make sure that Phineas and I want for nothing. He comes home everyday, and before setting down his keys and unpacking his lunch he asks me how my day was, how Finn was and leans over to kiss his sleeping boy.
Nothing makes this man more proud then being a dad. The bond and love that those boys share is beyond anything. They both light up when they see each other. I was madly in love with Mike when I married him. But the love that grows after seeing this amazing man with our son, is like nothing I could have imagined.

We are so excited to see how this summer goes. So far it's turning out to be the best summer yet.

All these crazy kids in one picture

His first cereal

Mother's Day

This Mother's day I was able to reflect on so much. The journey that brought me here, the title of Mother and the amazing woman that do and should bear this title.

 All I ever wanted to be was a mother. To me it meant caring and raising tiny little copies of myself and my husband. I knew that being a mother would not be easy, as many would tell me. But I fully expected my journey to not be hard as well. 

When I met Mike and married him, I knew I was marrying the man of my dreams, and I knew that our children would be just as amazing. 

In the beginning took every precaution to prevent children until we were ready. Six months later we knew we were ready. We figured it would take a couple months, maybe even a year. 

As time slipped by and failed tests and months came, we tried everything. Knowing that we were promised children. Little did we know when they say, "Everything in the Lord's time," they mean it.

Every Mother's day that passed was a painful reminder of what we didn't have and what we wanted so badly. Many times we would skip church, avoid family and just spend time with each other. Mike would hold me as I cried and would tell me just hang on. It wasn't until I heard a talk from Sherry Dew that I started to find peace with my role and life. 

 "Of all the words they could have chosen to define her role and her essence, both God the Father and Adam called Eve “the mother of all living”—and they did so before she ever bore a child. Motherhood is more than bearing children...It is the essence of who we are as women." Sheri Dew

I won't say that I still didn't have difficult days, and that I didn't feel a sting on Mother's day. What I did feel was that I should except the hard days, embrace them, and know that at that moment my Heavenly Father loved me and did know me, and really did have a plan for me.

Fast forward several years, and one amazing woman later. I get to experience what I wanted so long ago. I get to bear the title of "Mama". As Phineas grows I think of all the amazing women in his life who may not all bear this title, but will all touch his life and have a hand in shaping the man he will grow to become. Not all of them have borne or will bear children. But just as Sherry Dew has said Motherhood "It is the essence of who we are as women. “I want my son to know that he was born through love, received and raised through it. 

I am so grateful to my Father in Heaven. For helping through my heartache and showing me that he had a much more beautiful plan. And this Mother's day. I get to share this precious boy and title of Mother with his amazing birth mother. Together we are motherhood.

The Love of our Life is Short and Chubby

I use to go for the Tall dark and handsome. Little did I know my heart would be stolen by a short chubby boy with bright blue eye.

I feel like the last 3 months have flown by. It seems our days and nights pass so much quicker. No longer are they filled with small tasks, busy work schedules and home projects. We now have Tubby times, Laughter, and Laundry (lots and lots of laundry) added to it. Finding a balance can be rough some days, when your out a sitter, works has been hectic or your basement floods... again.  But then  you get a smile that melts the worst days. It's like the brightest ray of sunshine that puts you back into the here and now. Letting you know that all that doesn't matter.

This little boy ceases to amaze me he can coo, smiles some of the biggest smiles, sits up in his Bumbo and loves tummy time (to a point) His most favorite thing is tubby time though. If he is in any kind of bad mood, a tubby will turn that frown upside down.

The best thing about our family and how we received this little boy. Is that we don't just share these small milestones with just each other. We get to share this with his amazing birth mother. Each picture or small moment that passes we include her. We know that other then us, there is only one other person in the world that finds so much joy in the first poop after a week of constipation.

Last Sunday we were able to have an impromptu visit From Finn's birth mother and brother. She came to drop off clothes from Finn's brother. She had not seen him in person since the day she placed him. I'm so grateful she came in and visited for those two hours.

I loved watching her with him. She fed him rocked him, talked to him and kissed him.
Her love for him is so great. It was her love that brought him into this world and it was her love that placed him with us. I am grateful that he will grow up knowing how much she loves him.
I love talking with her and all the comparisons to his brother.

As I watch this little boy grow, I constantly feel torn between excitement at each milestone he passes, and then the remembrance of not too long ago he was so small and new. I can't wait for him to walk and talk and to see who he will be. But I hold dearly to the first smile, first laugh, first coo and all those small moments.
Who knew someone so small could take up so much room in your heart.

Cloud 9

After the birth of our son we have been on cloud 9. I know changing diapers and spit up is not a vision of heaven but for us it has been. After 10 years of waiting to see what Heavenly Father has in store for us we get to experience this heaven. The journey that brought us to this point has not been easy. There have been moments it has broken down my very soul. But I know this is where I'm supposed to be.

I have tried writing this entry so many times. I can't even begin to put into words what the last 8 weeks have been like. Leading up to this beautiful little boys birth, to the smiles and little moments I get holding this sweet angel.

I had been talking with Oliva all day on January 7th. We talked about how she was feeling, when she was finally going to go in. We texted back and forth until she could not text anymore. Durring this time I waited until Mike got home from his last day at his job. (he was starting a new one 2 weeks later) I sat and talked with Mike's brother and his family, who were coming up for a visit and a class. Great timing in my opinion.
It was at 5 am January 8th that we packed and made our way to the hospital. My sister in law pushed us out the door.
The drive to the hospital was quiet. Mike and I just smiled like kids, we could believe this was  happening.

We arrived at the hospital and just waited. It was through those next couple hours we talked with Olivia, her parents and boyfriend. We shared some of the most amazing experiences. Those moments I will cherish and love forever. The love that filled those rooms was unmistakable.
It was Oliva's dad who came to tell us, "he's here" we cried and trembled. It was then we entered the room. And we were introduced to this precious gift. We got to hold him, this little person we had been waiting so long for.

That night we stayed in the hospital just 2 doors down from Olivia and her family. She wanted me to have the other wristband and for us to be with him. Late that night Olivia, her family, and ours (the ones in town) filled that hospital room with love. We took turns holding this angel boy. Talking laughing and sharing. To me that was the moment I couldn't love open adoption more. This room filled with love for this boy. That is the way it should be.
I could share so much more of these first 24 hours. But they're some of the most special things that took place that are so sacred.

I want to end this post sharing the love that I feel for the Woman that made me a mother. I know it's not mother's day. But God sent me an angel. And in her strength and her pure heart, she gave me the greatest blessing, that I can never repay. Because of her, I will strive to be the best mother for this little boy, because of her he will know everyday that he came from the purest love.